he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
