none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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