mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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