kristin has been a bad kristin
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
