matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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