i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
