He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
