there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize