hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's never too late to be topless.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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