I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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