There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize