I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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