Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
