So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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