Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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