yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
