Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
