I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
