Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
