good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
