can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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