Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
