Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
