You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
