My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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