The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
