he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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