I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
