She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
