Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
