i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
