guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
