if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
