Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize