he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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