So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize