her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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