ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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