on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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