did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
