I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Panties = found
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
