Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
