there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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