so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
