I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
