I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
