My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
