Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
