I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
