The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
