Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
