i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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