I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
