if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
