I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
