Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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