i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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