I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
