So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
