the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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