I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
