so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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