You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
