Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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