I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
