Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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