Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
