Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
