Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
