She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he puts the penis in happiness.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
