Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Randomize
