whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
