She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is the high leading the old right now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
