My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have fence marks all over my body
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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