How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
