Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
