Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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