Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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