im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
