On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
