we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
