im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
