This is not my ceiling
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
