I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
