Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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